Time to Hit Back!

Nah… I’m a nice person. The following is just a crash course in English for our dear friend – Gone Major.

1) I flipped the cover of the file and there unleashed tons of Speed-related articles be they in English, Mandarin or Japanese

 What is ‘there unleashed’?

“there unleashed” is a very simple construction of “there” + verb such as “… and there stood (a man)”. Science fiction author Edward E. Smith, Ph.D. used the exact same expression (there unleashed) in his Skylark series back in 1930.

2) In this very same drawer also holds all my collection of Speed publications.

You mean ‘This very same drawer also holds all my collection of Speed publications’ ?

Yes, you are right. I believe people write while thinking. My thought process changed while writing this sentence and I admit that it is grammatically unsound. The problem with me was that I didn’t proofread my post.

3) Every single Speed photo album and official publication is here. In between which were 2 random magazines with them on the cover.

If you used the present tense ‘is’ for the first sentence, then the second sentence should be in the present tense as well. ‘In between which ARE two random magazines with them on the cover’.

In prescriptive grammar, your suggestion is correct. However, the linguistic concept of deixis in reference to spatiotemporality suggests that the deictic centre of both sentences are different in time. If you’re so particular about prescriptive grammar, the above 2 sentences should in fact be written as one.

 4) Did you even know they had a comic book?

‘Do you even know’ not ‘did ….’. You are asking a question in the present so use present tense.

And so on and so forth. These aren’t careless mistakes…you are obviously a Mandarin speaking S’porean and have no business teaching ENGLISH.  

It surprises me a grammar Nazi does not know this construction. The “Did you even know…” construction is a less confrontational expression which suggests that the other interlocutor does know at the moment of the utterance of this sentence while the “Do you even know…” construction suggests that the articulator assumes the ignorance of the listener. Both are perfectly fine grammatical constructions but I guess you’d go for the more confrontational approach?

For the record, you’re right! I am a Mandarin-speaking Singaporean. Note the hyphen in “Mandarin-speaking”.

 5) I’m sorry if it’s too small to see. I’m really lazy to transfer the large format and edit again.

 What is ‘to transfer the large format’? It isn’t a careless mistake, because even ‘to transfer to/into the large format’ doesn’t make sense.

You’re right. This is not a careless mistake. It isn’t even a mistake. I apologise for assuming that I do not have to spell out every word for this to be comprehensible. The full sentence should be “I’m really lazy to transfer the large format from my digicam to my laptop and edit again.”

 6) If this is not good enough to wash your dragon hands, I don’t know what is.

 What in the world are ‘dragon hands’?

In linguistics term, “dragon hands” here, can be said to be a nonce word with cross-cultural referencing and a pun related to the picture. Nonce words are often created spontaneously to bring a point across or as a joke.

7) And the appetizer is… pig’s ears!

What kind of English speaking S’porean spells using American spellings? Appetizer?

Granted, the Singapore education system is primarily based on the Queen’s English. However, due to an overwhelming amount of American media as opposed to British programs (deliberately spelt the American way), the education system has come to accept both spellings as long as they are consistent within the same piece of work. Again, I don’t usually check after writing, so I may have committed the mistake of writing in both somewhere.

I also believe “English-speaking” should be hyphenated like the above.

8)    Jeezus, you even replied to me in Chinese or Japanese. How pathetic is that? You are obviously Chinese speaking.

Seriously, teach your native language – Chinese – and stop feeding the poor little kids your broken English.

First, there is no such language called Chinese. Just like there’s no such language called Indian. She replied to you in Mandarin, which is a Chinese language. Like Tamil, which is an Indian language.

Second, like what I wrote in #7, “Chinese-speaking” should also be hyphenated. But it really should be “Mandarin-speaking”.

9) Who told you you can’t start a sentence with ‘but’? Your ESL teacher? Lol, go ask for a refund!

OMG you are another ‘English teacher’ as well. Please, do your students a favour, if you don’t even know that you can start a sentence with ‘but’, then don’t teach English, you obviously suck at the language.

 Try teaching Chinese or something.

Clown.

First, you can write either “OMG you are another ‘English teacher’” or “OMG you are an ‘English teacher’ as well”. But definitely not “OMG you are another ‘English teacher’ as well.”

And again, there’s no such language called Chinese unless you are referring to the race then you ought to include a determiner before it.

10) What in the world is ‘gone major’?

Do you mean she got signed by a major brand? Or she has ‘gone mainstream’?

Frankly, your grammar really does suck in all your posts. English literature degree? Lol. NUS is churning out clowns after clowns.

First, “to go major” is a common expression used in the music industry especially in these days where independent bands are abundant. In this case, I used it in the present perfect tense. If you’ve never heard of such a phrase, I suggest you increase your repertoire (pun intended). And yes, it means she got signed by a major record label.

Second, where did you get the idea that I have an English literature degree? I believe I wrote ‘English linguistics’ in the About Me section.

 11) Hi yes you are right, it should be clown after clown. I wrote that at around 1-2am so I was practically half asleep.

 But my point is, this guy has no business teaching English, a language which he cannot even write properly!

Like what I’ve already replied, the correct sentence should be “… a language in which he cannot even write properly” or if you do not subscribe to prescriptive grammar, you can also end it with a preposition, “… a language which he cannot even write properly in”.

And if you’re such a grammar Nazi, perhaps you’d want to break up your first sentence into “Hi. Yes, you are right. It should be clown after clown.”

I also believe we all accept your reasons for making mistakes unlike me, whose reason is simply because I suck at English.

12) Yeah sorry I was half asleep.

But seriously, judging by the nonsense this guy writes, he has no business teaching English. Try teaching Chinese or something, you know, your native language.

This is the same mistake so I shall not probe on it too much. Remember, there’s no such language called Chinese.

13) Not major brand but major record label. Just remembered that’s what they call ‘em in the music industry.

And that girl looks she is 12 years old. Seriously.

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Not major brand but major record label. Just remembered that’s what they call ‘em in the music industry.

And that girl looks she like is 12 years old. Seriously.

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Edit: ‘That girl looks like she is 12 years old. Seriously.’

Nothing pisses me off more than broken English or people who can’t write a line in English teaching the language.

I’m sorry if you’re pissed at your own writing. Don’t be. We all make mistakes. Cheers!