A friend, J, whom I’ve known for some 4-5 years now recently dropped the M-bomb. She got married before any one of us knew she was with a guy.
J is a Japanese girl. She is also pretty attractive, has a great smile, and some would even call her hot. When I spoke with her recently, I learned that she wasn’t even attached to her current-husband before they decided to get married. That was intriguing to me. My curious mind felt the need to pick her brain and see what mechanism is going on in her mind to actually “propose” to a guy whom, by most people’s standards, she barely knew.
J actually knew the guy for some 6 years now. But they don’t constantly keep in contact and only meet once or twice a year, so they sorta have an idea about what the other party is like. At a conservative 4 hours per meet-up, that will only total to 48 hours. In other words, they’ve only really spent 2 full days together before they decided to get married.
J’s about my age (mid-30s, if you don’t already know how old I am). About year ago, J was with a guy whom she felt is the man she’s going to be married to. He’s smart, kind, and J said she didn’t think anyone else like him would ever come along again. But things eventually didn’t work out for them and they broke up. So it got to J that you spend time getting to know someone and then decide to be together as a couple. You continue to learn more about the person and eventually decide you want to marry them. Let’s say you do get married. You still continue to learn more about the other person possibly until death do you part. If somewhere along the road either of you felt like it’s not going to work, you get a divorce.
For her, she met a guy and spent time getting to know him. They got attached and eventually thought about marriage. What happened was things ended before they got to the marriage stage. It made her think, since you’re still going to learn more about the other person after marriage anyway and no matter how carefully you choose, you could still pick the “wrong person,” so might as well skip the cumbersome dating stage. At 34, J is tired of dating and playing the “does-he-like-me-or-does-he-not” game. To be honest, I’m pretty jaded about dating too. Whenever I meet someone new whom I think I want to get to know better, thinking about the whole process from Day 1 again makes me tired.
Some time ago when J met a group of friends for a meal including her current-husband, that topic on marriage somehow came up and J just turned to the guy and said, “How about we get married?” The guy, who’s almost 40, thought about it and said, “Why not?” And that’s how they ended up getting married.
Many may think about the what-ifs and ugly divorces but for J, at around 35 or 40, if you’re not married, you should be at least divorced once. Otherwise, people might think something must be wrong with you.
I’m not saying I agree or disagree with what she says, but being really worn out on dating, I kinda feel like it’s a viable option. If I find someone who thinks the same way, that is.