It’s been almost a year since it happened and I guess I’m more comfortable talking about it now.
Most of you probably don’t know but I was engaged about a year ago. And before I go on, a more detailed history of my love life is that, I’ve never been with a girl for more than a year. Heck! I’ve never been with a girl for more than 6 months, and that was just one girl in college. Every other relationship I’ve ever been in ended within 3 months. But this girl I was going to marry was the first relationship that lasted 1.5 years. Even my long-time friends who hadn’t met her after our 6 months together at that time were like, “Wow! She must be the one then. Since when has your relationship ever lasted this long?”
I met this girl, M, at a drinking party some time in 2014. My first instinct when I saw her was, “I wanna talk with this girl!” I asked her out to Disneyland for our first date a week later but it didn’t happen and we merely went for dinner. I asked her out to Disneyland again for our second date yet another week later and she agreed. On that date, we became a couple. Yes, that was just two weeks after we first met.
She’s wasn’t the first girl I’ve dated since coming to Japan, but she was special. I shan’t go into the details but she isn’t someone who scares easy, and that was what made me decide I want to marry her. Even 1.5 years later, I still want to hold her and kiss her every day.
When my sister, the metaphysics consultant, first learned about our relationship a few months after we got together, she asked for her birth details. I told her and she did her bazi thing and said we’re not a good match. Marriage isn’t going to happen. But when M agreed to my proposal, I took her back to Singapore to meet my family and I was half-grinning from the so-called “victory” that proved my sister wrong. My sister looked stunned for a moment, but she treated M very well seeing that we were going to get married. She’s a great sister. But when we broke up a few months later, I realized Sis was right. If you wanna get your bazi read or need any form of metaphysics consultation like in fengshui or fortune telling, you can visit her site @ Tulipa Xanadu. It was recently rated the top 30 fengshui blogs in the world.
Back to my story: Like every other relationship, there is no just one single reason that caused our break-up. But one of the things that broke my heart the most was about the proposal ring I got for her. I’ve never gotten a proposal ring before and just in case it was too small, I asked the shop to make it a little bigger. Little did I know, it was so big, it couldn’t even stay on her finger. Obviously, we went to get it resized. She told this story to her friend, whom I’ve never met; who knows nothing about me, and whom I don’t know about. Her friend said, “That’s impossible. He must’ve gotten that ring for someone else, got rejected and used that same ring to propose to you.”
She believed it.
Fuck!
She told her mum and landlady, who is also her mum’s friend, about it. Both of them suggested the same thing.
She believed it.
We were together for 1.5 years. But she chose to believe people who knew less about me than she did.
So eventually, the relationship ended. Do I still love her? Yes, I think I do. Would I still want to marry her if she comes back? Very likely. Which is why I am thankful she was the one who wanted to break up with me, because I know marrying someone with such little to no trust in me is a bad decision. Perhaps the poorest decision I might ever make.
Hey. Sorry to hear that.
You have steadfast and faithful character. Good news is that love prevails.
Bless you with this verse from the bible – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails…
Thanks, Almony!
The words you shared are so true and deep.
Sorry to hear about that….hope you find the right person soon!
Thanks a lot, Kai! Much appreciated.
Oh my I didn’t know about this despite reading your blog from more than 1.5yrs ago. I feel that if you still love her you should fight to get her and if it fails, then you can say you tried your best. Unless of course you feel that you’ve alrdy given your best, then I guess that’s fine. But honestly… I kinda find that there’s more to her choosing not to trust you. It could just be a trigger to other antecedent. Or she could be using it as a convenient excuse? Nonetheless, it’s good that you didnt marry her and that this trust issue didn’t cause the breakdown of a marriage. Better to break a heart now, than to break a vow. 🙂 I can imagine how trust issues will cause you so much unhappiness in a marriage when you are such a free spirited individual hahaa. Hope you meet ‘the true one’ soon.
Well, I didn’t tell anyone about it so only my family members knew.
I’m sure there are reasons for her to not trust me, but I have no idea what that reason is. I could come up with a lot of possibilities but it’ll just sound like I’m whining and there’s no point doing that anymore.
I actually read a bit of your blog and well, I can only say can’t complain about my situation much. But it’s always better to be single than remain in a toxic relationship. Hope you’ll feel better soon.
Thanks a lot 🙂 It has been pretty crazy. No faith in man anymore lol. And yes, toxic relationships are the worst.. Good luck to both of us 🙂
Sorry to hear that. Actually when my husband got me the ring, he was told by the store lady (a rather well known brand) to get a bigger size and we will go back to resize together as it’s easier to downsize than upsize. Not that it matters now but you probably is in a better position now than if you would have went with it
That was what I thought but like you said, it doesn’t matter anymore.
And I do think I’m at a better place even though I may feel different. But I’m positive my feelings will catch up with my thoughts one day.
People usually apply the same yardstick to others as they do themselves. Recently watched a video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENscSDOsodE) where they talked about cheating in Japan – the proportion was unbelievably high for women. Since you mentioned in another post that she got pregnant four months after you guys broke up, it is likely she cheated on you. She couldn’t trust her own actions and behaviors, and hence she thought similarly of you.
Now, I didn’t reply to this old post to remind you of a past which would bring you bad memories and sadness – what I am interested in however, is whether you could perhaps write about cheating in Japan as a topic for your next post. Why is cheating so prevalent here, maybe you could offer some insight about it after living here for almost 10 years. This would also enlighten your readers and prepare them mentally on getting into a relationship here in Japan.
Thank you.
I’ve probably written them somewhere before but I can probably try to collate my thoughts and write an entry about it again ^^