Since last June, I had been telling people I’m alright and how quickly I usually recover from breakups. Because when I was younger, I learned that crying it out makes me get over things faster. The exact words I used were, “Give me 1 month and I can get over anything.”
But this time, I realized I was just putting up a strong front, not so much for others but for myself. I wanted to be okay so I began telling myself that I’m okay. Because I’m a firm believer that time cannot heal anything unless you are willing to heal yourself. And for a significant amount of time, I thought I was healed until recently, when M, the girl whom I was going to marry, responded to my message saying she got married at the end of last year and is already pregnant.
I kind of figured that when she suddenly blocked me on Facebook, probably because she was worried I was gonna feel hurt if I see it. I congratulated her, hiding my melancholy, and casually asked when she was due. But I got a shock when she told me the baby was due end of June because that would mean she got pregnant about 4 months after we broke up.
A few people whom I confided in raised the possibility of her cheating on me while we were still together. But to me, it doesn’t matter anymore. Asking her is meaningless because it will just make her feel miserable regardless of the truth of the matter. When I looked back at the pictures we took together, the one thing I know is that I don’t ever want to see that face cry. So the one best thing that can come out of this is that she goes on to lead a blissful life.
Thinking back, I realized I never really cried over this gone relationship. Maybe if I bawled it out, can I finally get closure.
I’m not too sure about this… but maybe there’s a tingle of betrayal that u feel? In the sense that she got over the sadness faster than u, or maybe she has never felt as sad as u..?
But comparison of this nature is meaningless, cos it’s a fact that she has moved on..
I have used to wish those tt I have dated well, but when they did indeed meet someone else, there’s always a sense of loss, even though technically speaking, I should not have felt tt way since it’s alrd over.
Now I feel, there’s really no need to wish them well. How they are living now really has nothing to do with me… Allow yourself time to heal, and curse & swear if necessary.
I guess you’re right. Thanks!
And in case you didn’t see the response to your comment in another post, I tried listening to Sistar and they’re amazing. Hyorin does have as powerful a vocal as Ailee. Great recommendation!
*big hug*
Thanks, KL!
I feel for you… When a heart breaks it just doesn’t break even.
I think its perfectly normal to wonder if she cheated anot. But it is not easy to let it go with just a ‘it doesn’t matter’. So that’s admirable of you. Cos I struggle with accepting a ‘it doesn’t matter anymore’ myself when it comes to this situation, like wondering if he has moved on with someone else already. But I do believe emotions can be controlled and it can be a decision, if we try hard enough.
Go ahead and bawl over it. hahaa. holler if you need help!
Thanks Lena. Means a lot to me.
If you were in Japan, I might holler everyday. Haha.
I wish so much I am in Japan too. Hahaa. Maybe end of year. You keep your holler until then yah. lol ;D
Haha, sure. Holler me when you have your trip planned.
Hope you get through it soon! It’s hard, but wish you get through it!
Appreciate it, Kerry.
…I realized I was just putting up a strong front, not so much for others but for myself. I wanted to be okay so I began telling myself that I’m okay.
I can relate to this, except my feelings revolved around a dead baby!
Putting things in perspective, dead baby or lost love, I think grief is grief, and we all can understand it on a conceptual level. However, I think it is important to recognise the singularity in grief. I’m not trying to say you’re alone, but I am trying to say no one else but you will know the pain of your loss, because the experiences you have gone through are unique to you. That makes me sad, because it’s something I can merely imagine, and empathy, at best, lets me feel the gravity of it.
So I don’t want to say I understand how you feel just because I understand how grief feels like; you’re not okay, because there’s no reason for you to be. And that’s okay. You go do what you have to do to cope. There will be dark, dreary days, but without darkness we won’t know light. (God, I sound like an Instagram quote! But this is what I believe in.)
Take one day at a time. It’s a crappy situation to be in. :\ I’ll be praying for you. We’ll see each other soon, on the internet or otherwise.
Lub you deep deep!
Thanks Lydia.
I will be okay. And hopefully that happens soon.
この文章を読んで悲しくてたまりませんでした。
世界は大きいし時間もまだたくさんあるし、きっと幸せになれるようになると思います。応援しています。
てか、まだ日本?
加油
Oh! Didn’t know you read this.
Thank you!
You were faithful towards your girlfriend. That’s a commendable character. Blessed is your future gf/wife. 🙂
Thank you, Almony. I hope I can be a better partner next time.
Hi, i came across your blog randomly and have been reading for sometime now.
I feel you. Take your time to heal. My case, after 9 years of relationship and eventually betrayed, i bore hatred for the first year and it was tiring. I tried to remove all traces of the ex gradually. Dissociating really helped alot for me. Now into the third year, I think that single life is actually quite meaningful. It allows me time to reflect and enjoy me being me, without having to accommodate another. Somehow, I still occasionally get news of the ex from common friends and secretly wished that he will lead a miserable life. I guess i will never forgive him.
I feel that you’re entitled to your feelings and just do what deems fit to make yourself feel better. You will be okay in due time.
I won’t judge you as there’s a part of me that still feel I’ve been gravely wronged, especially on the case of the proposal ring, and sometimes I feel like confronting the case and get an apology from whomever her friend is. But the logical part of me made me understand it’s pointless.
I can’t get myself to remove traces of her. Perhaps someday, I would be made to throw away those stuff she gave me, but at the moment, I still have all of them. I feel like even if I do eventually get over her, it’s still a part of my life worth remembering. Hopefully my future partner (if I do have one) would understand.